Unlocking the Creative Potential of Girls

I hail from a long line of strong women. In a time when much of society was clinging to “certain ideas” about what women were good at and capable of, the women in my family were busy cracking glass ceilings and blowing through barriers left and right. And it doesn’t stop with blood relatives. My life is full of awesome women—from entrepreneurs and innovators to healers and leaders. I even work for an agency with a courageous female at the helm. When it comes to women taking names and kicking ass, I pretty much know nothing else. All of this made it especially shocking when I recently stumbled across a statistic claiming that only 3% of agency creative directors are female. Having known, worked for and worked with some amazingly talented, innovative, genius women in the creative industry, I feel certain the 3% stat isn’t a matter of capability. Having known, worked for and worked with some amazingly nurturing, empowering men in the creative industry, I also believe this isn’t a glass ceiling thing.

So what is it?

My hypothesis is that the 3% is, more than anything, a reflection of our failure to foster creative confidence in young women. And I say that as someone who was a victim of creative discouragement at a pivotal time in my life. (You can read that story here.) To this day, every time I experience a win vicariously through my clients, I reflect on the day I was told, by a guidance counselor no less, that a writing degree would get me nowhere. Then I think about all the awesomeness I would have missed had I listened to her.

As girls, there is an especially precious and fleeting blip of time between childhood and adolescence in which we truly believe that we are capable of doing and becoming anything. We haven’t learned to worry or second guess or shrink our dreams because the world has yet to cloud our minds with fear and doubt. It’s a period during which we are a vessel of possibility, unencumbered by messages and expectations and limitations from the world around us. Simply put: it’s the magic, pivotal moment when everything matters–when the difference between a kind or harsh word, a push forward and a put down can change the entire course of a life.

For the last couple years I have been harboring a secret dream: I want to see the women of the creative world band together to supercharge and inspire girls with the support, skills and most importantly, confidence, to know that they can not only be part of the industry we live and love, but leaders within it. I want girls to understand that creativity doesn’t have to be a side project or a weekend hobby, and there are places and ways to turn their passions and talents into the daily practice of their working lives. I want girls to hear that they don’t have to sit down, wait back, stay quiet and politely follow along. I want them to know it’s okay to have an opinion, bring a little opposition, stand up, speak out and take a stand for the things they believe in…and on behalf of themselves.

Whether this dream will eventually come to fruition in the form of a creative retreat, a camp or a summit, I’m not quite sure, but I know there are a bunch of awesome women in this field ready and willing to pay-it-forward by boosting up the girls who will follow in our footsteps. In doing so, I believe we can make the 3% a thing of the past. We can choose to get involved and become mentors, supporters, advocates and champions. We are holding the keys that will unlock the massive creative potential in girls.

Tomorrow is the International Day of the Girl. The mission of this day is “to help galvanize worldwide enthusiasm for goals to better girls’ lives, providing an opportunity for them to show leadership and reach their full potential.”

Yesterday I posed one simple question to some of the wise and wonderful women in my life. If you could tell the girls of the world one thing, what would it be?

There were their responses…

Brandy Amidon, Chief Financial Officer at Brains on Fire Believe it or not you are in control. Yes, you have parents, teachers, and authority figures that you have to listen to, but ultimately you are in control of your life. You control who you are and who you want to be. There are too many opportunities out there for females to do and be anything they want to. You have no excuse and no one to blame for your situation. We are in control of who we are, how we react to our environment and how we shape the world. So own it, be happy and find the passion in life that makes you want to do good and be better.

Emily Everhart, Gentle Nudger + Account Executive at Brains on Fire Don’t let people misconstrue what ‘strength’ is for you especially in your career. Some people think you need to be aggressive or pushy to get ahead. That it’s a ‘dog-eat-dog world’ and you must ‘kill-or-be-killed.’ Being strong doesn’t have to be about being the loudest or always winning or even getting your way. There is also strength in silence, in compassion, in self-control, in forgiveness and in patience. Be your strength.

Cathy Harrison, Account Director at Brains on Fire Be open to change. Take advantage of the opportunities that come your way. Know that there’s no sense of balance, but if you are open to the inevitable lack of balance between life and work, you can find true rewards. It’s ok to ask for help. Everybody needs it.

Kim Hebert, Licensed Massage Therapist Don’t let anyone get inside your head. Decide what you want to do and set your mind to do it!

Mary Susan Henderson, Office Mom + BOF Glue at Brains on Fire Perseverance is your friend. Don’t let the box that someone has put you in define you. We control how we are defined. And its not really a box…we’re people. We’re nice organic blobs!

Shannon Kohn, Community Shepherd Team Cheerleader at Brains on Fire Always surround yourself with ‘sisters’ who get you and support the REAL you. Learn to see who those girls are in your life and seek out their friendship. They might not be the most popular in school, the most beautiful by society’s warped standards, the most academic or the best dressed, but they are REAL. ‘Sisters’ celebrate each other and help each other grow. They don’t judge. They encourage. We ALL need ‘sisters’ and we all should try to be ‘sisters.’

Moe Megan, Puppet Master + Community Manager at Brains on Fire If there’s anything I can say to you, girls of the world, it’s this: be kind to yourself, be patient with yourself, be true to yourself. Life can be a real monster. It gets up in your face, taunts you, pokes you, and the second you think you’ve got it all figured out, it’ll whip around, kick you in the shin, and blow a raspberry in your direction. Life is a bit of an annoying little brother. But you know what? Just like little Jimmy, you’re stuck with it. So love the life you’re given. It’s a miracle we’re even here, and what doesn’t kill us will make us even stronger in the end. When you get overwhelmed, take a break to step outside and explore. Observe the way the veins of a leaf branch off just so, the way the grass sways in the wind. Listen to the birds, stand in a creek, appreciate the feeling of being small. It will always bring you back to your calm. Take time to figure yourself out. Journal, write songs, run, sing, dance, rap, paint, play ball- whatever floats your boat. Don’t beat yourself up, either. There will always be some girl named Amanda with better grades, a cuter boyfriend, a killer job, a gorgeous house. Do yourself a favor and forget the word “better” entirely. So Amanda’s got it goin’ on? So do YOU, honey. You’re amazing in allllll your own ways. Own those ways and nurture them. Let them shine. Be happy for Amanda, be inspired by Amanda, hell, learn from Amanda. Shift your focus to elevating your own strengths & beauties rather than lusting after those of others. Once you find what makes you happy, be patient with yourself AND everyone around you. We’re all trying to tame this beast, and the nicer we are to each other in the meantime, the easier it will be to wrangle. We’ll all be happier in the end.

Nini Ordoubadi, Owner + Founder of Tay Tea Sit still. Get to know yourself, love yourself and trust yourself. How? Listen deeply to your spirit voice (intuition), it will never fail you. Learn to say NO free of guilt and shame. This will save your life!

Amy Taylor, Chief Wordologist + Stoke of the Fire at Brains on Fire Your life is the greatest story you will ever read and ever tell. Savor every word, every page, every chapter. Embrace and welcome the characters you meet along the way realizing that some may stick around forever and others will come and go. In the end, all of them will add their own unique magic to the pages of the story of you. Never forget that every great story has a conflict that ultimately shapes not only the plot, but also the heart of the protagonist. Some of the most difficult things we go through in life ultimately prove to be our greatest teachers in disguise. Don’t shy away from adventure when it presents itself; challenge yourself to say yes more than you say no. Don’t let your story write your life. Write your story by living it.

Libby Williams, Owner + Founder of Libby Williams Photographs You are a girl. But you are never just a girl. You are a woman. I hate the word girl. It denotes damsel in distress – a girl leaning over a tower with her hair draped down waiting for someone to save her. You are not that. You will never be just that. You are a strong. You are capable. You are smart. And fast. You can get yourself out of anything and recreate yourself in a moment. You are beautiful – the most beautiful creature on earth. You are savvy and can multitask without skipping a beat. YOU. ARE. LOVE. You are your dreams and your fears. Most of all, remember that you are never just a girl.

Rachael Wingo, Controller at Jeni’s Splendid Ice Creams Wingo’s rules for the next generation of awesome ladies: Don’t listen to conventional wisdom – ever. Make your own path and go figure it out for yourself. Learn how to anchor your personal value in meaningful endeavors. If you don’t know how to do this, go find a therapist and get on it. Learn about positive motivation and get with the program already. Stop hating things and don’t spread negative emotions in the world. Accept the fact that you’re really good at math. Put down the gender roles, and remember that respect goes both ways. For heaven’s sake, go to Asia. Europe is totally overdone. Asia will be huge in your lifetime and you need to understand what it’s all about.

Sara Bareilles, Pop Star I Did Not Interview For This Blog Post

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xwTr_CRw3GY

This post originally appeared on BrainsOnFire.com

Life, Death and a Dinner Table: A Family Tale of the Healing Power of Eating Together

I have a fairly large extended family. For the most part, our current clan originated in Wichita, Kansas, but through the power invested in marriages, divorces, job transfers and time, we have been strewn out across the country over the years. You'll now find pushpins in our family map everywhere from the Florida Keys to Honolulu, Austin to Wisconsin.

As a result of our geographic divergence, it makes it very difficult for all (or even many) of us to ever come together in the same place at the same time. Years go by and we don't see each other. The younger cousins eternally frozen in my mind as munchkins at the "little kids table" are now high school seniors and sophomores in college. The home I cast as the scene for all family memories hasn't been in our family for nearly a decade. This is just to say - things change, people get busy, time flies.

A year ago my grandmother passed away after a brief battle with cancer. Weddings and funerals. For better or worse, these are the things that  finally bring a modern family together. As each branch received the call, they made plans to descend upon the teeny, tiny town of Frederick, Oklahoma - my grandmother's childhood stomping ground. She had elected to be buried in Frederick beside her parents.

Frederick. How do I explain Frederick? It is perhaps best described as a blip town. A blip I fell very much in love with. Frederick is the kind of little place you pass through on a rural highway heading somewhere else. The last census put the population at under 4,000. I'm not sure what industry supports the economy there, I can only guess farming, and I remember reading somewhere that the median income in Frederick was well under $30,000.

In many ways Frederick feels like a land untouched by time. It struck me as the kind of place that could be described (and accurately so) as the heartbeat of America. A place steeped in family, God and the American dream. Unpretentious and hardworking. A welcome smile with a little grit under the fingernails. A land where people know their neighbors - and the value of a hard day's work. Frederick isn't relic as much as it is artifact. It isn't un-evolved, rather it's a place - and a lifestyle - unperturbed. From what I have gathered from my mother's accounts of visiting the sleepy tow in the 50s and 60s, not much has changed for Frederick the past half-century...and that's okay.

My family descended on Frederick like a bit of a storm. If you're going to stay in Frederick, your lodging options are limited to two motorlodge-type hotels on the outskirts of town. If you don't like the first, no worries. The other option is right next door. But if memory serves, one of the signs boasted that they were now offering wireless internet, so you may want to take that into consideration.

Our first afternoon in town, we took a driving tour around the city - and down memory lane. 40-some years later, my mother's memory was still able to trace its way back to the modest farmhouse my great-grandmother (Mimi) and great-grandfather (Homer) had owned together. It is the place where my grandmother grew up. My mother reminisced about the small patch of land my great-grandmother had tended, a vegetable and flower garden, and beyond it, the land my great-grandfather had tilled. She regaled us with stories of Mimi, the industrious wife of a farmer, snapping the necks of dinner chickens and plucking them clean. It was a stark contrast to the gentle, quiet, if not a bit frail, great-grandmother I remembered. In my mind, she was a soul better suited for gently cradling a cup of tea than slaughtering unsuspecting chickens. The image of her strong and fearless doing what had to be done gave me new perspective.

I come from a long line of strong, courageous females, it would seem.

The funeral went as funerals go. The chapel and cemetery set in a picturesque, rural area outside of town. It was a beautiful day, unseasonably warm, and cows were murmuring off in the distance. I suspect our unusual quietness was a bittersweet recognition of the irony that bidding a loved one farewell was the one thing that had a way of bringing the living back together.

After the casket had been laid, we mobilized the troops. We'd need lunch before everyone traveled back to their separate corners of the world. Having had our fill of Pizza Hut (and having no inclination to try Sonic), we ended up at a little local restaurant called The Bomber Inn.

My people are not a small people. At 5'10" I am one of the shorter cousins on my mother's side of the family. As we descended on The Bomber Inn, the staff and regulars looked at us incredulously, but only for a moment before shuffling chairs and tables to make it work. We crammed into booths, shared menus, stormed the single restroom. Clearly strangers, nobody poked or pried. They just made us feel welcome.

I don't recall what I ate that day. A grilled cheese or a chicken-fried steak, who can say for sure? I remember strange things from that afternoon. One of the waitresses asking my cousin to come into the kitchen to reach something on a high shelf. An older gentleman approaching my uncle to tell him he had a "mighty handsome family." More than that, I remember a feeling. A feeling of being acutely aware of the importance of eating together that day.

The truth is we cannot control the ticking of time. We don't get a say in when or how or where things come together or fall apart. We get busy, stressed, preoccupied, but at least a few times a day, life forces us to stop and eat. And we can choose to do that together.

Author Norman Kolpas once said, “Food, like a loving touch or a glimpse of divine power, has that ability to comfort.” That afternoon, crammed in booths at The Bomber Inn, we weren't just eating lunch, we were celebrating a life. We weren’t just nourishing our bodies, we were nourishing our hearts and our spirits, too.

It's unlikely I will ever be in Frederick again. I doubt I'll be back at The Bomber Inn. But I often think of the kindness they showed us that day, and I hope they know that more than a meal, they gave us a rare and precious moment of togetherness in the heartbeat of America. It won't soon be forgotten.

12 Tidbits of Wisdom for Writers (via Ernest Hemingway)

Ernest Hemingway would have been 113 on Saturday. In honor of the grand (and oftentimes irreverent) thinker, writer and life enthusiast, I spent some time digging back through the litany of wisdom he left behind.

“There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed.”

“The first draft of anything is shit.”

“Write drunk; edit sober.”

“All good books are alike in that they are truer than if they had really happened and after you are finished reading one you will feel that all that happened to you and afterwards it all belongs to you: the good and the bad, the ecstasy, the remorse and sorrow, the people and the places and how the weather was. If you can get so that you can give that to people, then you are a writer.”

“All you have to do is write one true sentence. Write the truest sentence that you know.”

“My aim is to put down on paper what I see and what I feel in the best and simplest way.”

“As a writer, you should not judge, you should understand.”

“The hard part about writing a novel is finishing it.”

“In order to write about life first you must live it.”

“It’s none of their business that you have to learn how to write. Let them think you were born that way.”

“There is no rule on how to write. Sometimes it comes easily and perfectly; sometimes it’s like drilling rock and then blasting it out with charges.”

“Write hard and clear about what hurts. ”

CHIME IN: What’s your best piece of writing advice?

However you got here, here you are.

Tonight I was watching a documentary called "Enlighten Up!" It's about a skeptic's journey into the world of yoga. I am not a yoga person. I can't stand on my head. I have issues with spandex clothing. The thought of being trapped in a hot room with a bunch of sweaty, stinky strangers is pretty much my worst nightmare. I do, however, recognize a good piece of advice when I hear one. A quote from the almost-end of the movie, when our protagonist has a sit down chat with an Indian guru.

‎"You could have come by cycle, you could have come by car, you could have come by elephant, you could have come by foot. To reach here, there are so many directions. That depends on where you are at present. You are the most important person under the sun. What is east? From where does east begin? You are the center point. From you, this is east. For me, east would be different. That point could be west to you. You are the most important person under the sun. It's not important what you are doing. It's important why you are doing. You can prepare food for just consuming. You can prepare food for somebody you love. You can prepare food for The Lord. The action will be the same, physically, but inside it will be different. If you are forced to do cooking for somebody you don't like, you will do it, you will cook. But you won't enjoy it. Everything depends on you, hangs on you. So you should feel the importance of yourself. You are the most important person."